I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Randomize
