Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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