whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
