It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
