New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
