direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
