Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
