Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
How drunk are you?
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