Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
