so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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