i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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