I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
