Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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