Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Randomize
