she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
