and you said cock pushups were impossible
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
Randomize
