accomplished twins. life is a go
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
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