anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Randomize
