Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
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