chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Ladies don't puke and tell
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
Randomize
