She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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