I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
