Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
