Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
