i'm signing you up for texting rehab
he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
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