I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
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