DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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