Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
I need someone to meet me at the end of the road and throw captain morgan at my face like they do with water at marathons
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
