How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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