see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
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