Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
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