She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
3pm strippers are depressing
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Randomize
