is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
