So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
You've changed since you got that strap on
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
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