I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
