Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
