I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
