I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize
