Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Randomize
