Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
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