You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
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