Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
in that moment our bushes were one. and in that moment we were pure.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
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