Third unemployed latin in my bed this week. I'm on a roll
I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
