first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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