Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
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