what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I found out that they tried to reenact the Snooki drop by using a jump rope and the banister. Pictures say it all.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
Randomize
