Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
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