I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
