Screwed.edu
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I only remembered where urgent care was because it's across the street from my favorite bar
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
