I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
Randomize