There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
Just had a 10 minute long conversation with my cat about how if I died, and he needed to eat me to live, I'd totally be ok with it. Definitely still drunk.
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
We have so much sex to catch up on
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
