i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
