ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
