You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Randomize
