ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
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