I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
When God was sprinkling self control to everybody, he ran out and was like ehhhh she'll make it!
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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