Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
you were peeing in her backyard and some dude came outside and looked at you and was like "thats not a pee spot" and you said "well it is now" then i joined you. Forever poppin squats <3
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