she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
