Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
They are going to name an STD after you.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
