If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
