you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You danced?!
I just jiggle to the beat like a sexy lava lamp
Buying drug test kits off amazon. And qualifying for amazonSmile donation to a kids hospital feels wrong and funny at the same time xD
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