it wasn't lemon gatorade
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
The beer is more important than you right now.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
Just a typical Friday. Dinner, drinks, doing lines with a member of Congress
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