New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Randomize
