if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
Randomize
