Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
OPIZZABONMYDICK
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
