tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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