If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Whore are you.
Is that a Yoda insult or are you asking me where I am?
Yes.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
