Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
