my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
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