The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
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