how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
He just made me a heart out of cocaine... i think i'm in love
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
Randomize
