I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Umm I'm too high to move.
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Randomize
