He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
