yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
She looks well worn, presumably from a cavalcade of penis.
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
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