I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Randomize
