he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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