I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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