Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
I showed him my bush... on skype.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
