Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
