CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
I'm gonna fight the coyote
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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