I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Randomize
