I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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