when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
