Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
