If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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